Wrapping Up - Who Am I?

I hate unfinished projects.

That's why this blog has been bothering me for the past year.

A blog that hasn't been posted on for over a year? Not cool.

Then why haven't I posted? Have I abandoned ship? Have I given up on the road towards loving the Lord more fully?

No, I have embarked on a journey that has revealed a new life - a new love - a new fire. I will not - I cannot - go back. With God's strength, His life in me, I will continue on this road the rest of my life. It has only just started.

Blogging has slowly sunk towards the bottom of my to-do list. But my resolve to love Him more has slowly risen higher.

This post is a wrap-up. A closure. A friendly goodbye. <Not that anybody was missing the posts anyway> :) But for my own peace of mind, I am writing this one final post, to know that I left my little blog in a tidy package with a bow on top.

                                                

And for any lonely traveler who drifts through cyber space and happens to land on my little corner of the blogging world, here are my parting words.

I just finished saying that my resolve for God has slowly risen higher. This is true, but the journey has not been without its valleys. The past several months have found me confused, frustrated, and spiritually "stuck." I struggled, I persisted, I prayed, I journaled. I read Christian books. I read Christian magazines. I read the Bible. I cried. My motivation was gone. My love was standing on shaky legs. In its place was a scary, lukewarm, sickening lethargy. Others can live a half-hearted life and still "love God." They look good. Why can't I?

I desperately wanted my love and passion back. I was determined not to give up. I didn't want to settle for throwing God my left-overs. But it just seemed that I had nothing left to give Him.

Where had I gone wrong?

As of 2 weeks ago, I found the answer. And amazingly, it was the exact same answer I had found nearly 4 years ago - and somehow lost along the way. It set me free then, and it has set me free once again.

A friend recommended I read a book called "My Life is Not My Own" by Dr. Bill Bright. I love to read. So I hopped on Amazon that day and bought it.

The book rocked my world. As I began to make my way through its pages, I was reminded of the lessons I had learned 4 years ago when I surrendered my life wholly and completely to the Lord. Somehow, along this ride called life, I reached out to take hold of "the reigns" once again. I took back my life. I lost sight of what it meant to be owned by the Lord Jesus. And the spiritual freedom and passion that had been free to grow once I had surrendered my life to the Lord had slowly slipped away as my submission slipped as well.

Hear me now! I have been with the Lord. I have gotten down on my knees. I have opened hands and my heart to the Lord once again. I have chosen to become His slave. Once again.

Everything I am or ever will be - everything I own - every opinion, ambition, plan, and schedule - I willingly have lain at His feet. From this day forward, I am a joyful slave. My life is not my own. I hold nothing back.

Let us hear the conclusion of the matter. Life is vain if lived for anything other than the One Who gave His life for me. To die is to live. Every day that I live, I will seek to become lower, so that in His eyes, I may become greater.

These are not just words. This is a daily motto. The foundation my life is being built on.

I love my Lord. Join me in seeking to love Him more.


                                   

Reason #31 - He Answers

 I came home from church a few weeks ago, plopped down on my bed, and grabbed my journal. In bold letters, I wrote across the top of the page -

I AM DONE.

 DONE with self-focus.

DONE with insecurity.

DONE with coming home disappointed and let down.....why? Because the world didn't give their all to make me happy today.

It's the truth - the brutal truth. But I'm selfish. I'm self-focused. And because I'm self-focused, I'm insecure. The 2 always go hand in hand. Always.



It's something I've struggled with ever since I can remember. For years and years, insecurity has been a constant shadow. I've been unhappy with myself, unsure of myself, and painfully aware of myself. I hate it! I despise it. And I'm tired of it.

And so I came home from church, disappointed and disgruntled, and I drew a line in the sand.



I AM DONE WITH SELF-FOCUS. I refuse to live this way any longer.
But the question hung over me like a heavy rain cloud.......

How? How to change? How to live out a new lifestyle when I've known only one way?

I've always heard the nice pat answer.....

"Just think about other people. Get your focus on them. Always be thinking about how you can make them happy." 

Great advice. And I tried. I really did. I mustered up all the strength I had (not much, by the way) and gave this others'-focus thing my best shot.

Let's just say it didn't amount to much.

I'm not strong enough yet to keep my focus on other people. I'm not strong enough yet to go into a room of people and think only of them and how to bless them. I wish I was. I believe I will be one day. But I'm not there yet.

So what was I to do?? Discouraged, I bowed my head and turned my heart to the Lord.

And in my hunger for an answer, I believe the Lord spoke.

No, I may not be strong enough yet to live my life with a constant others'-focus.

But I can cling to the Lord. Like a drowning man, groping towards the raft that will hold him afloat. Holding on with every last bit of strength. I can do that.

I can run to Him.....pursue Him......crawl to Him - whatever the day may bring.

I can fix my eyes on Him, as the runner fixes his eyes on the finish line.

And on the days that I am weak, and my will power is trembling, I can call on Him - cry out to Him - knowing that I will hear an answer.



And here the beautiful realization dawned on me. As I let Him fill me, He can love others through me. He can give to others through me. It has nothing to do with me......but everything to do with Him. It's called abiding (John 15). It's called allowing His life to flow through me. It's forsaking my own strength, and falling before Him - empty and ready to be filled.  

It's the secret to the victorious Christian life.

It's been a huge lesson. A life-change.

The Lord's answers are my victory.

How thankful I am that we serve a Lord Who answers our cries. He answers the obvious questions. The calls of the sincere. The petitions of the weak. He stoops to hear. But He doesn't stop there. He answers.

It's a precious truth. I serve a Lord Who answers.

Update from the Film Studio

                          



It is hard to believe that the filming for the Scripture Talk DVD is now completed!!

It’s a weird mix of emotions…..total relief and excitement, mixed with the inevitable “let down” that comes from having poured your life into one avenue for 6 long months.

Yet there is joy in seeing how very much the Lord accomplished during these past 2 weeks, as we lived nearly every waking moment in our church building (a.k.a. film studio).

Below are several pictures to show a few highlights of our time with filmmaker Alex Lerma and his crew, along with 50 children and several teachers.

The natural question now is “what next??” We’re actually asking the same question over here :), but here is what we know so far.

The next few months will find us in frequent contact with our filmmaker as he systematically works through the hours of footage that he recorded, and sends it over to us for our suggestions and advice in the editing process. There will most likely be 3 drafts of edits completed before the product is finished. The estimated date that the DVD will be ready for printing and distribution is July or August.

Our family has much work to be done on our end as we research the options available to us for distributing the DVD. We would appreciate your prayers as we move into this next step with a whole lot more questions than answers! :)

To God be the glory! He has done great things!

 

We had all ages of children involved in quoting Scripture for the filming.....the youngest was 2 years, and the oldest was 17 years! 

 

Getting ready for filming...... 

 

.....During filming......

 ......And after filming.....relief and elation! :) 

 

Those present at the "film studio" could watch everything that happened on a large screen as footage was being recorded. Sometimes, the kiddos on the screen were so cute that taking a picture was inevitable.....  :)

                                

 

Each Scripture passage had a teaching segment that went with it, explaining how the children could apply it to their lives. Here, the twin team teaches together on 1 Corinthians 13! :)  

       More teachers and more fun :)


                            
              Yup. We're ready!                                    





                            
               Great helpers and friends!

 

One of the highlights for me during the filming process was hearing interviews from parents as they shared their insights on Scripture memory, and discussed their children's responses to memorizing God's Word.

 

We had an incredible filmmaker and crew....Alex Lerma (middle), along with his assistants Amelia and Micah (second from left, and far right). Working with strong Christians who believed in our project was a huge blessing!

 

Children of all ages memorizing God's Word - hiding living power in their hearts and minds. What can be more exciting than that?? 

The Lord has done much work in my heart over this whole process, and I have many thoughts to share.....hopefully these thoughts will make it onto my blog in the not-so-distant future! :) 

We serve a good God! What a privilege that we can hide His Word in our hearts and be transformed by His truth!

Reason #30 - He Owns My Life

I have too many thoughts for words today.

Yet I feel it is only by words that I can sort through these thoughts.

This morning, I have been overwhelmed by the same lesson I have learned many times before. Yet each time I learn the lesson, I find that there is another aspect that shines a little more brightly. I internalize that lesson a little more deeply, and process it a little more clearly. 

That's why I keep talking about it, and writing about it. There's always more to say. Always more to learn.

This life? It's not my life. 

And I say it flippantly at times, almost carelessly. We're all Christians. We all know the pat answers. We know the right things to say, and the right way to say them. 

Yet I face myself today, stripping away the lofty words and mindsets. And I admit. I want to run my life. I want it my way. I want to make my own decisions, say my own words, pursue my own dreams. 

And I can do that. Any time I want, I can grab those reigns and run away down the path of self-will. I've done it many times before. I've done it recently. 

I don't want to live this way. But here's my problem. This "self-resurrection" - it can take a million different forms. That must be why it keeps popping up in my life. It sneaks in before I even recognize it. And I wake up 2 weeks later to find that I am firmly entrenched in the self-willed life once again - yet again.

And yet I do not hesitate to admit. The self-willed life is a miserable life. 

This morning, I am proclaiming once again. Here is Christianity. Our Savior died for us. And in return, we die for Him.

                

And it is here, in this death, that I believe is the only way to victory in Christianity.

Just as a servant knows that he must first obey his master in all things, so the surrender to an implicit and unquestionable obedience must become the essential characteristic of our lives. ~ Andrew Murray

The greatness of a man's power is the measure of his surrender. ~ William Booth

The man or woman who is wholly or joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice - any choice will be the right one. ~ A.W. Tozer

You become stronger only when you become weaker. When you surrender your will to God, you discover the resources to do what God requires. ~Erwin Lutzer

We do not segment our lives, giving some time to God, some to our business or schooling, while keeping parts to ourselves. The idea is to give all of our lives in the presence of God, under the authority of God, and for the honor and glory of God. That is what the Christian life is all about. ~ RC Sproul

This is becoming the theme of my life. My battle cry. My motto.

It's His life. I live for Him. I live in Him. I live to Him.  

                                     

I love Him, because He owns my life.

Some News From My Family!

Introducing.........

The Bridges family's latest project!!

The Lord has given us the idea of producing a DVD to help children memorize Scripture with hand motions, and after a year or more of dreaming and planning and praying, we are moving forward! 

We've already filmed a small portion of the DVD (a pilot project over the first weekend in February - see pictures below), and the rest of the filming will happen in April. 

Interested to learn more? Hop on over HERE to see a 4-minute promotional video, and view more details about the project. 

Excited? Great! Help us spread the word!

And most importantly, we covet your prayers as we move forward into this all-encompassing, sometimes-overwhelming, but always exciting! world of film making  We are trusting the Lord for His wisdom, and we know that He has given us the mind of Christ. 

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." ~ Jer 29:11

I Choose

If I told you that my experience with an educational online writing community was spiritually impactful and life-changing, would you believe me? Would you ever have guessed that I would walk away from such an experience strengthened in my walk with the Lord?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Yet when I chose to participate in this writing community last month,** I often found myself faced with daily writing prompts that must have been dropped right out of heaven, straight from the throne of God.

Take prompt #4, for example.

Share one of your favorite quotes. Tell the reader why it is significant, important, or meaningful.

And here is what I wrote. No, not a dutiful writing assignment. Not an educational experience. But a cry, straight from my heart.

I'll admit it. I've gotten tired lately.

I've gotten tired of being different. Tired of trying to answer impossible questions. Tired of standing out, of being stared at, questioned and misunderstood.

This is hard, this being different. I hated it as a child and as a teenager, and that is what led to my rebellion. Deep, dark, mostly hidden - yet still very real. I'm a pleaser. I'll do anything - anything - to make someone else approve of me. But very few did, because we were (are) weird and radical and counter-cultural. So I lived in defiance against my lifestyle for four long years. If things had continued, I would have left home. I am sure of it.

But things did not continue, because there is a God, and He answers prayer, and He has mercy on those who do not deserve it. I surrendered my life to the Lord Jesus Christ, and chose Him as my Master. I turned my back on the world, and opened my arms wide to Him.

I gave Him my all.

But this is a daily decision, not a one time act. And I forgot. I have wavered. I am ashamed to say that my heart has gone back to wanting to please the world. Ditch this being different! Who says I can't fit in??

And then comes today's prompt - - my favorite quote??

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." ~Jim Elliot

And my heart is touched as I see so clearly what my eyes, as of late, have been blinded to.

I have tried to keep - to save - my life. He who saves his life shall lose it. I knew that! How could I have forgotten?? I can choose to give what I cannot keep: my life. Or I can attempt to save it, only to find that one day, I will have lost it.

The choice is obvious. There really isn't a choice at all. It has been clearly laid before me - I have chosen once, and I will choose again.

I lay down my life. I die. I pick up my cross. And I follow Him.

Yes, I chose that day. And I choose this day. Each day. I will serve the Lord.

"If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it." ~Luke 9:23-24



 

**Want more info about the writing community I participated in? Awesome! Go to: http://gentlemanadventurer.org/30-days-of-writing-prompts/  

Reason #29 - His Faithfulness is GREAT

It occurred to me recently that I have a blog.

It also occurred to me that it has been nearly a year since I have touched my blog.

I then had a brilliant idea.What if I took a few moments to update this neglected blog?

So here I am again. And while I have probably lost every reader that ever happened to be interested in what I had to say.....and while I have no guarantee that I will be more faithful in writing posts this year......I'm glad to be back. I truly have missed writing my "reasons" - although I have never stopped thinking about them or finding them in day-to-day life.

Today's reason is #29. I love my Lord because His faithfulness is GREAT.

It seems like a simple thing. Maybe an obvious fact.

Yet there have been many mornings that I wake up and literally dread my quiet time with the Lord. Because once again - yet again - I have fallen. I have been unfaithful to my Savior. And I am afraid that I have fallen one too many times. That I have somehow reached the limit of His patience and mercy.

It was on one of these mornings that I happened to stumble across Lamentations 3:22-23. How many times had I read this verse before? Yet the words were new - all new - written just for me, and their reality brought instant tears to my eyes.

" It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
 
They are new every morning: 

GREAT is thy faithfulness."

Every morning. I wake up, and His compassion is completely renewed. The supply is full once again. And it will never, never run dry.




How could I ever fully understand the reality of this statement? In a world filled with limits and limitations and limited supply and limited time......

Here is one thing that will never know any limit whatsoever. 

I am overwhelmed once again by the fact that my God is deeper than my thoughts could ever grasp. My God is greater than my words could ever describe. And my God is bigger than my words could ever contain.



Yet I am glad to be in this place, once again, struggling to describe an indescribable God. Grappling with a way to thank Him for His goodness and beauty and love. 

I love my Lord because His faithfulness is GREAT.

Reflections on Resurrection Day

This whole week - the Passion week of Jesus Christ - I have been praying.

Oh Lord, give me new eyes to see the cross of Christ with a completely different perspective.
Give me a new heart - an undying passion for the cross of Christ.

I've always appreciated Christ's death on the cross, you know - "Thanks a bunch God, that was really nice of you."

Really nice?

I wonder if God sees our distracted thanks around Easter time as a slap in the face? How is it that over any given Easter week, we are likely to think more about our new dress and what is for dinner on Sunday than we are to remember the Son Who saved us?

Here is the Father, Who gave His only precious Son to endure unbelievable torture, so He could save the soldiers who spit in His face, and the Romans who scourged Him, and you and me, who nailed His torn body to the cross.

Here is Christ, sweating great drops of blood because He knew the agony to come. Pouring out His blood, laying down His life - He Who could have destroyed His tormenters with a word -

Instead, He died for them.

Died.

He willingly laid down His life.


And we say "thanks"?

I guess I've never thought of it this way. Where is my passion for the cross of Christ? Where is my zealous gratefulness - fervent song of praise - for His gift of love? Why do I not weep tears of undying thankfulness for His gift?

How could a child saved from eternal destruction smile, nod, shake hands, and turn to the next phone call or shopping trip?

I have a desire stirring within me to view the crucifixion of Jesus Christ my Lord through new eyes - the eyes of one who has never before seen such a picture. I could have told you at 3 years old that Jesus loved me, and He died on the cross for me. Somehow, the story has grown cold. I say this with shame and sorrow. But it is the truth.

This will be a different year, by the Lord's strength! I will comprehend the full price my Savior paid. I will see the whip cutting, tearing, ripping His flesh. I will hear His cries, watch the nails driven into the hands that formed me. I will see His blood spill onto the jagged edges of a cruel cross. I will weep with His disciples, marvel with the centurion, and worship with the thief who was saved. I will see the agony, not as a happy child's tale, but as God's unfathomable plan to save the hostile world He loved.



I will praise the Lamb Who was slain, yet Who rose again, Who defied death and darkness and sin and hell, and danced victory over my soul.

And for this gift of salvation, I joyfully give back what little I have to offer:

My life.
My all.

Because when we see the cross through these eyes, we have no other choice. And we do it with joy.

Reason #28 - He Is the Only Way

"Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the Living God." ~ Peter's response in John 6:68-69

Jesus had asked a question of His disciples, a question that has haunted me over these past few weeks. All together, many followers had deserted Christ. They had turned their backs and walked away. He turns to the twelve - the men He had poured His life in to, and asks,

"Will ye also go away?"

That was it. Just 5 simple words. Nothing profound...no pleading...no convincing. Just a simple question.

Can you hear the loneliness and desire wrapped up in these words? Oh, I know that my Lord understands my heart...because He's been there a thousand times over. He knows! He knows and He cares.

Does He ask the same question today? I believe that He does. I believe that He looks down on the vast majority of Christians today - toying with the Savior Who bled love and died for them - Who became sin that we might know Love Himself - and He whispers the question to all Who might hear,

"Will ye also go away?"

Oh, may I never lose the sound of this question in my ears. May I know the desire in His voice, that He wants me. He wants me. And He asks me to stay.

May my response be always and forever the answer of Peter.

"Lord, we have nowhere else to go. There is no one else to turn to."

Almost, it was as if he just didn't have another option.

Two mornings ago, I wrote in my journal after reading this passage,

This morning, I have cried as the devil hurls fiery darts of lies into my soul - thick and fast, and I convince myself - "All this desire to passionately love and serve the Lord - all this effort - it's all been a sorry joke. I'm not cut out for this. I just can't do it. How disgusted my Lord must be with me.

I. Give. Up."

Yet, in my spirit, I run up against this verse - "To whom shall I go?" If I do indeed give up, "Where else can I turn?" And the answer, I know deep in my soul is,

Nowhere.

There is no one else.

I have set my passion in Him. And though I fall, though Satan drags me down to the very bottom, though for a time I hurl myself away from the Father in despair, I am incapable of choosing a new god. Once we have truly chosen our God in Christ, as the disciples did, there is no turning back. We have tasted the Christ. We have found the words of eternal life.

There is no where else -
No One else -
No thing else.

All is Christ. Christ is all.

He stands with open arms, asking me a simple, longing question - "Will you also go away?"

And I stand again - thankful to remember that my incredible weakness is actually my strength. For when I am weak, then - and only then - am I strong.

To whom shall I go? Only to Christ."


I love my Lord, because He is the only Way.

Reason #27 - He Gives A New Heart

Of all the verses that I have prayed over my life, Ezekiel 36:26 wins the grand prize for the number of times I pray it every day.

"Lord, change my heart."
"Give me a new heart, Lord Jesus."
"Oh Lord, give me Your heart."

There have been times in my life when I literally prayed this verse dozens of times a day. This past week, it has been on my mind almost continually.

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them."

Hear God's promise to us! To me. To you.

I can think of fewer things more exciting than the fact that the Lord will give us a new heart, and a new spirit! And not just any heart and spirit, but His!

I have longed to know that Christ could say of me, "Here is a woman after my own heart." He said it of David. If only David could have been my best buddy! Too bad I couldn't have been Jonathan. :) I wish so much that I could meet David, to walk with him, to know his heart. Because to know his heart would have been to know God's heart.

No I can't meet him face to face. But I can see glimpses of his life and of his character. As I have studied David's life in the Scriptures these past couple days, I have seen a normal man. I have not seen an angel. I have seen emotions like anger, fear, mistrust. I have seen doubt and discouragement. I have seen sin too, far worse (in the world's eyes, anyway) than anything I've ever done.

Yet I've also seen unleashed passion. Deep brokenness and humility. Unshakeable faith.

I've seen a man who loved the Lord.

And I've come to the startling, thrilling, relieving, passionate conclusion - and my heart wells up with thankfulness as I write this -

To be a man or woman after God's own heart is not to be a man or woman of perfection.

It is to be a man or woman of love and passion for the Lord God, above and beyond anything else in life.

Not by my own might or power. Heaven knows - and I've learned the hard way - I don't have any of that!! But it comes through something as simple as a gift. The gift of the heart of God.

He longs to give it. And I long to receive it.

I love my Lord, because He gives me a new heart. His heart.

Reason #26 - There Are Just Too Many!!! :)

Dear Sir - my Lord and my God, my Creator, the Alpha and Omega, the King of kings, and Lord and lords, my Life, and my All:

I am here to inform you that I have spent the last few days unable to decide which "reason" to post about next on my blog. There are simply too many. I have come to the awesome conclusion that if I spent the rest of my life posting a new "reason" every day, I would even then be unable to exhaust the possibilities. At first, I must admit, this was a bit disconcerting to me, seeing that the title of this blog is "100 Reasons Why I Love My Lord," and not "100 Trillion Reasons Why I Love My Lord." However, after a bit more thought, my heart was unexpectedly filled with joy, because I am ever so thankful to know a God Who is vaster and deeper and greater than any little blog that tries to paint His picture.

With all this being said, I would still like to post my "reasons" every once in a while, because I have very few other ways of saying what is on my heart to say at this moment:

Thank you.

With all my heart.

Thank you.

Sincerely, your adoring daughter,
Kate




Oh friends, have we taken a moment to thank Him for His goodness today? Have we taken a moment to sit at His feet, and like Mary, hear His Word? Have we delighted in Him today? I ask the question to myself - have I delighted in Him today?

May I not lose sight of Him. May I not drift away from the only Reason I have to live. May I not become apathetic in my love, or nonchalant in my passion, simply because I am doing better than others.

He is so good. I continue to ask Him, "Lord, change my heart. I want to love You more."