I hate unfinished projects.
That's why this blog has been bothering me for the past year.
A blog that hasn't been posted on for over a year? Not cool.
Then why haven't I posted? Have I abandoned ship? Have I given up on the road towards loving the Lord more fully?
No, I have embarked on a journey that has revealed a new life - a new love - a new fire. I will not - I cannot - go back. With God's strength, His life in me, I will continue on this road the rest of my life. It has only just started.
Blogging has slowly sunk towards the bottom of my to-do list. But my resolve to love Him more has slowly risen higher.
This post is a wrap-up. A closure. A friendly goodbye. <Not that anybody was missing the posts anyway> :) But for my own peace of mind, I am writing this one final post, to know that I left my little blog in a tidy package with a bow on top.
And for any lonely traveler who drifts through cyber space and happens to land on my little corner of the blogging world, here are my parting words.
I just finished saying that my resolve for God has slowly risen higher. This is true, but the journey has not been without its valleys. The past several months have found me confused, frustrated, and spiritually "stuck." I struggled, I persisted, I prayed, I journaled. I read Christian books. I read Christian magazines. I read the Bible. I cried. My motivation was gone. My love was standing on shaky legs. In its place was a scary, lukewarm, sickening lethargy. Others can live a half-hearted life and still "love God." They look good. Why can't I?
I desperately wanted my love and passion back. I was determined not to give up. I didn't want to settle for throwing God my left-overs. But it just seemed that I had nothing left to give Him.
Where had I gone wrong?
As of 2 weeks ago, I found the answer. And amazingly, it was the exact same answer I had found nearly 4 years ago - and somehow lost along the way. It set me free then, and it has set me free once again.
A friend recommended I read a book called "My Life is Not My Own" by Dr. Bill Bright. I love to read. So I hopped on Amazon that day and bought it.
The book rocked my world. As I began to make my way through its pages, I was reminded of the lessons I had learned 4 years ago when I surrendered my life wholly and completely to the Lord. Somehow, along this ride called life, I reached out to take hold of "the reigns" once again. I took back my life. I lost sight of what it meant to be owned by the Lord Jesus. And the spiritual freedom and passion that had been free to grow once I had surrendered my life to the Lord had slowly slipped away as my submission slipped as well.
Hear me now! I have been with the Lord. I have gotten down on my knees. I have opened hands and my heart to the Lord once again. I have chosen to become His slave. Once again.
Everything I am or ever will be - everything I own - every opinion, ambition, plan, and schedule - I willingly have lain at His feet. From this day forward, I am a joyful slave. My life is not my own. I hold nothing back.
Let us hear the conclusion of the matter. Life is vain if lived for anything other than the One Who gave His life for me. To die is to live. Every day that I live, I will seek to become lower, so that in His eyes, I may become greater.
These are not just words. This is a daily motto. The foundation my life is being built on.
I love my Lord. Join me in seeking to love Him more.